Welcome back to our new blog series where we take one of the many DMs that lands in our inbox (anonymously of course) and share our response (and flesh her out a tad). Want in? DM us here.

Q. Plus ones…

We have a number of friends on both sides where we don’t actually really know their partners. We’ve either only met them once or never met them at all.

Is it alright not to invite the partner to our wedding? These friends will have other people at the wedding that they know, so it’s not like they will be sitting alone.

Thoughts on what’s the ‘norm’ on this subject?

Thanks.

– @J

A. Hi J!

This is a great question and one that every engaged couple has had to grapple with (myself included, and I do not envy the position you’re in AT ALL. Putting together a final wedding guest list is about as fun as a slap in the face with a wet fish).

It’s a sticky spot to be in – on one hand you don’t want to offend anyone (most of us are wired to want peace and not war) and on the other hand you don’t want to disregard your own preferences just to please other people.

So, what to do…

I’ve got both good and bad news for you. The bad news is that the answer to your question isn’t black and white. Everyone has very different and very strong opinions on what the ‘correct’ wedding guest list etiquette is (and unfortunately you’ll find people are more than happy to voice theirs, even if you don’t ask for it).

The good news is that you don’t need a handbook on how to navigate this situation because ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner who you want to invite to your wedding. You don’t need permission or affirmation on your decision from anyone (myself/Wedshed included).

But for what it’s worth, my advice is that it’s 100% alright not to invite strangers to your wedding. In fact, I think it makes sense. Not only are there practical considerations (Covid, financial costs, venue capacity etc.) it’s also a very intimate day that you may only feel comfortable sharing with your closest friends and family. It’s not a day you want to spend meeting and greeting randoms (regardless of how well you know their partner).

I will add however, that there are some things that are worth taking into consideration on a case by case basis, such as:

• Is the wedding far away and requires a small vacay? Or are they travelling from a distance and may want to bring a partner (even if it’s just to share the driving).
• The person knows no one else at the wedding. In this case, they’d probably be more comfortable bringing a plus one.
• The person is elderly or disabled and would be more comfortable having someone there who can attend to them / keep an eye out for them if needed.

It may sound like I’m oversimplifying the whole wedding guest list situation but at the end of the day, it is your wedding and it’s important to do things your way. Make a decision, trust it’s the right one and stick to your guns. Ninety-nine percent of the time, how you handle a situation is all in the delivery anyway, so just make sure you always communicate your wishes delicately.

Good luck!
Mel x

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