What Are Ninja Vows at a Wedding?

We have no idea what this approach to vow-writing has to do with ninjas (it doesn’t involve any kind of martial arts, sword fighting or costumes - although maybe that’s the next wedding trend?) but what we do know is that 'ninja vows' are an alternative and fun way of exchanging promises that we think is worth discussing.

We love that the wedding industry is always evolving, and it’s no surprise to us that couples have found a new way to push the boundaries when it comes to writing their own vows. Ninja vows is a fun, mysterious and easy way to create a ceremony that is playful, unique and full of surprises.

Ninja vows explained

Usually, when couples write their own vows, it’s a heart-pouring of words they want to share with their better half (we’ve got an entire workshop on this here). Ninja vows are the opposite. They require writing vows on behalf of the other person to read aloud. Neither person knows what the vows they’ll be reading will say until the wedding ceremony. The point is for it to be a complete surprise (OK, we suppose ninjas are pretty stealth so the name fits).

How to write your wedding ninja vows

What kind of promises (or confessions) would you love to hear your partner say out loud? Whatever they are, write them down.

This is a chance to literally put words in your partner’s mouth - so think carefully and be strategic. Keep them light-hearted and fun, be genuine, and remember it’s a wedding ceremony not a roast.

If you’re feeling stuck, finding a quiet place to think and reflect on your relationship, or looking at photos from the past can be helpful to spark some ideas around your partner’s unique traits and how you want your future together to look. Some other helpful tips include:

1. Know your partner

Understand your partner’s personality, sense of humour, and what they value most in your relationship. This will help you craft vows that feel authentic and meaningful. Remember, you're putting words into your partner's mouth (they're reading the vows you write back to you), so the trick here is to combine sweet words with the opportunity to get yourself off the hook for some of your *relationship shortcomings* or public proclamations of support for things that are personal (e.g. a pledge to always give you a free pass to watch your team/blow the credit card on the sales).

2. Reflect on your journey

Think about your shared experiences, challenges, and triumphs. Incorporating these into the vows can make them more personal and touching.

3. Balance humour and emotion

While it’s great to include lighthearted moments, it’s worth ensuring there is a balance between humour and heartfelt sentiment. This will make the vows well-rounded and impactful.

4. Be genuine

Speak from the heart and be sincere. Authenticity will resonate more deeply with your partner and guests.

5. Mix it up

There are no rules with vow-writing, and another option is to include a few ninja vows at the end of your wedding ceremony. For example, you could each write and say your own vows and then include a few surprise ninja vows for each other to read aloud at the end.

Some examples of ninja vows

Here are a handful of ninja vow examples to get your creative juices flowing!

• "I will learn where the laundry basket is, and promise to put all my dirty clothes in it."
• "I promise to always tell you that the umpire was rubbish whenever [your team] is losing"
• "I'll always be your biggest fan and supporter, and I'll completely understand that it's not your fault that the bathroom floor gets mysteriously saturated after your nightly half-hour shower. Not your fault at all".
• "You are the light of my life, and in return I promise to turn a blind eye when the delivery man brings a fresh package to our front door every second day. In fact, I'll relish the recycling".
• "I promise to understand that your version of clean and my version of clean are completely different."
• "I vow to work on my time management skills and to acknowledge that 20 minutes late is not on time."
• "I promise not to get angry when you haven’t read my mind."
• "I vow not to binge an entire Netflix series on the toilet."
• "Giving cuddles will always be my love language, and I vow to give them to you often and forever."
• "I promise to always be honest with you, even if it means I'll get in trouble."

Why do ninja vows?

As we touched on above, ninja vows are a fun way to incorporate non-traditional elements into your wedding ceremony and surprise your partner and guests. This approach often resonates with couples who feel uninspired by the way wedding ceremonies typically play out, or who prefer to do things a little differently.

Some other reasons couples do ninja vows include:

1. Element of surprise

The surprise element can heighten the emotional impact of the vows, creating a memorable and heartfelt moment for both partners and guests.

2. Trust and intimacy

Writing vows for your partner to read shows a deep level of understanding and trust. It’s a way to express your love and how well you know each other.

3. Creativity and fun

Surprise vows allow for creativity and can include humour, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt promises that reflect the unique aspects of your relationship.

Tips for implementing ninja vows

1. Coordinate with your celebrant

Inform your celebrant about the surprise vows and ensure they are on board with the plan. They can help facilitate the moment smoothly.

2. Get on the same page

Talk to your partner and agree on the feel and length you want, so that you’re on the same page. Your celebrant is a good resource here - they can read your vows ahead of time and provide helpful feedback.

3. Keep it a secret

The element of surprise is key, so make sure to keep your vows somewhere your partner can't find them! Most couples choose to keep it a secret from their wedding guests as well.

4. Prepare for reactions

Be ready for a range of emotions. Surprise vows can evoke laughter, tears, and everything in between. Embrace the reactions, let the moment unfold naturally and have some tissues or a handkerchief within reach.

5. Have fun with it

You’re not going to the dentist or filing a tax return, you’re writing about the love of your life and your future together. Don’t put too much pressure on what you write - anything that’s honest and from the heart is perfect.

Need some help writing your vows? Our vow-writing guide will be your guiding saviour.

Feature image by Pip Takes a Picture at Mayfield Vineyard.